The first 12 weeks.

Well the first trimester is almost over and this pregnancy so far has been so different than my son. I had absolutely no morning sickness this time. With J. I was sick as a dog and my hips started separating and becoming quite painful at this point. I almost don't even feel pregnant, which is both scary and a relief. It's a relief b/c I do not handle pregnancy well. Honestly I do not enjoy it, but I love my child so much how could I not go through this again to make a new life. The scary part is b/c I've had a few losses and now I wonder if this babe is ok. I had an u/s at 10 weeks and everything looked awesome so I should put my mind at ease. But as we all know, easier said than done. I thought I felt some flutters last week, possibly some very early movement?? But I haven't felt anything since. I know it's still so very very early.
On another note, I've really been struggling with depression. This is really knocking me for a loop b/c I've never experienced this before. I function and get through my day. I laugh and smile and do enjoy myself. However, I'm so frequently in a bad mood. I don't feel like me at all and I can't seem to shake myself out of it. I snap at my husband E. all of the time and I'm even short with J. which breaks my heart. Everyday E. asks me whats wrong? Why am I mad at him? What did he do? I keep trying to tell him it has nothing to do with him, it's me. I'm not myself right now and I don't know how to get back to the person I was. I'm hoping this wears off in the 2nd trimester. 9 months of this will be too much for my family to handle.