A year ago today...

I know, wow! 2 posts in one night. But it just dawned on me that today is my one year anniversary for being home. A year ago today, Ethan, Jacob and I were able to move home after a fire that forced us to live elsewhere for 4 months. We had lived with my in-laws. As grateful as I was that we had them, I was so ecstatic that we were finally home. This was also the night that we "celebrated" and ended up conceiving our little angel. At the time I was so overwraught witht he thought of a new pregnancy. Jacob was only 6 months old and we had just moved back into our home. If I knew then what I know now I would have cherished evry moment that I carried our little angel. Baby B. did a miraculous thing for me. Although I was only able to be a mother to B. for a short period of time I learned what a gift s/he would have been. How much to cherish every moment. Never did I think I would lose him or her. And never did I think it would take so long with so much heartache to create a new life. And when I found out I was pg this time I knew I was this babe's mother from the moment it implanted. I was going to love and mother it for as long as I had the oppurtunity. And I have been blessed so far to have 18 weeks to love this little life. I thank you Baby B. for opening my eyes and my heart.

18 week appointment.

Can I just say phew!! With sweaty palms and a huge knot in my stomach I made it through. I brought Ethan with me because we were getting the big u/s. When the tech called us back she said I was 17w6d and she normally doesn't do the level 2 u/s until closer to 20 weeks. I had asked about possibly finding out the sex of froggy after we knew if everything else was OK. She said it could be tough to tell and I could reschedule my u/s for 2 weeks if I would prefer. Um NO!! Sex was just a hey if you see it kind of thing. I had DH here with me now and we needed to know that this little ones heart was ok, so grab the lube and lets get started!! So we had the u/s. Our baby was beautiful. This one is much less active than Jacob was but it did turn it's little face as if to look at us and wave. Best news...4 perfect chambers in the heart with working valves and NO HOLES!! Yay!! Everything else looked perfect and s/he is measuring right on target. There was no chance to peek at the sex as this little one stubbornly stayed in a head down position making it impossible for the tech to get a peek between the legs. Oh well, we really got all the news that we wanted.
Anyway, I will be continuing to get u/s throughout this pregnancy. I believe I may get another one in 3 weeks. I guess the only good thing about gestational diabetes is that I get to constantly peek at my little one. Oh, and s/he is 18cm and weighs about 6oz. The heartrate was 150.

Shopping Spree

Well I finally broke down and went and bought some maternity clothes. I had some from Jacob, but wasn't ready to go buy more. Well today I finally did. I'm going to leave the tags on until after Thursday's u/s though. I don't want to tempt fate.

Family Tree...The wicked grandmother!!

I probably shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but she never had anything nice to say about me when she was alive, so what the hell!! Alberta (my mom's mom) was a mean woman. She did not like me. She did not like my brothers either, for the simple reason that we were my mother's children. Alberta hated my mom. My mom is the 2nd oldest of 6 children. Linda was the oldest, followed by my mom (who the nurses named in the hospital b/c Alberta didn't want her from birth and could care less what her name was). Then came Mark, Bob, Jeff and Mary. Alberta didn't like Bob either. He was the child of an affair and she made sure her husband knew it so that Bob would get regular beatings. Mary was the result of a different affair, but Alberta still loved her.
Anyway, Alberta worked my mom hard from the very beginning. She worked her to collapse and when the doctor told her she was going to kill my mom if she didn't ease up, she worked her harder. Luckily a relative stepped in and took my mom away for awhile so she could get strong. I guess I'm sharing this just to get a feel of what the old witch was like and to gain some understanding into my mother. It's easy to understand why my mom jumped at the chance of marriage at the age of 19. Three children and a few years laters she left my dad and went to Alberta's for a place to stay while she got back on her feet. Alberta slammed the door in her face and left her with no place to go with 3 kids ranging in age from 2-5.
I don't think I would have minded her hating us so much if she didn't have such obvious affection for Linda's kids. She loved Mark's kids (at least 2 out of 3 of them). She loved Jeff's kids. She loved Mary's kids. She did not love Bob's children.
Alberta divorced her husband (my mom's dad who I will talk about on another day, he's the pedaphile). After the divorce she married again (another pedaphile and physical abuser). She married a third time. He was a hitter, but at least he wasn't fucking any of the kids!! So Alberta was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer after it had spread to her liver. I went and saw her before she died. It was the only time she ever said she loved me. I think she felt the pits in hell warming up for her and she thought she would make amends. My mom, bless her soul who would take all the crap from Alberta held her hand at the end waiting for those words, they never came.

16 week appointment

Well I had my 16 week appt today. It was just suppose to be weight and blood pressure, but the PA checked with doplar real quick for the hb. It was such a bonus. Pumpkin had a heart rate of 148. It was quite the squiggle worm. I also had bloodwork done today. Quad screen, hep titer and my glucose tolerance test (I failed). I knew I would. I'm not sure what your blood sugar is suppose to be 1 hour after the test, but mine was 180!! Yowzer!!! So on the 25 th I go to high risk and I should start my insulin then. Then on the 28th I go for my u/s. Yippee!! Well that's all for now.

SUGAR...uh uh uh uuh uh uh, Oh Honey Honey!!

Well it's official in my book! My body is screwing with me. Last night before bed I took my sugar levels...96, YIPPEE!! This means that my morning (fasting) sugar should be about the same or even less, right? Not in my case. My last meal was at 5:30pm and I did not snack or drink anything other than water after dinner. So my 96 should have held steady. But what was my sugar this am...104!! Not a huge difference, but it went UP!! How does it go up when I am not putting anyhting else into my body? This doesn't make sense!! And although the difference between 96 and 104 is only 8 points, it could mean the difference of insulin vs. no insulin. I feel like I'm up against a wall. I am eating right, exercising and making sure my levels are below 100 before bed, but it doesn't matter!

14 week appointment

Well I got to see my little monkey on Friday!! The doc tried to find the h/b with the doplar, but was not having any success. She warned me in advance that she was using the older doplar so it could take a while. Well after searching a minute or so she decided we should just hop on the u/s machine rather than waste time and build anxieties searching. So my little peanut had his/her hands up by the face and s/he gave several good kicks. The feet were crossed at the ankles. What a relief!!
As for the apponitment we discussed my high sugars so I will go in fot the glucose tolerance test in 2 weeks. And then a week after that I go to a high risk doctor and about a week after that I will have an extensive u/s. They need to check the baby's heart b/c sugars this high this early could lead to birth defects (generally a hole in the heart). We'll just have to wait and see.
I also lost 2 lbs. I just started working out and of course I am eating much healthier so I'm not concerned. We're hoping the new work out routine will bring my sugars down. That's it for now!!