I'm angry and sad.
I'm giving everyone the oppurtunity to not read any further. A mommy from my April 05 board lost her baby boy to SIDS.
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I'm am so devistated. Giovanni Emil was our first April baby born that made it! He was such a fighter and absolutely beautiful. He was the joy of his parents hearts and I can't imagine the immense sorrow that must be crushing down on their hearts. I am angry at God. I hate saying that. My faith is suppose to get me through tough times. But how could he have blessed her with such a sweet baby and made his life so tough. He was born in January and struggled for life. And he did it! He made it...Damnit!! Then why? A day after he turned 6 months did he have to be taken away? He was a healthy baby boy. He was smiling laughing, rolling over!! What happened to this family is my worst nightmare. When Jacob was little (and honestly I still do this) I would make Ethan go in his room first if he didn't wake up on his own. I was (and still am) terrfied of what I would find. I call every morning to make sure the kids are awake after I go to work. I can't relax until I know they are up. I check on Danny relentlessly through the night nad poke him if I can't tell that he's breathing. Danny spent the first month of his life sleeping on my chest (I did this with Jacob too). After a month I finally felt secure enough to put him to sleep in his cradle, but I kept that in the living room so he would be near me and I could check on him and poke him. Now that he is 4 months I finally moved the cradle into our bedroom so that I could put him down back there at night and come back to bed later on. How do you get beyond this fear? How do you hand it over to God to trust that he will keep your baby safe? If anyone knows, please let me in on it.
I've posted Emily's site of Gio below. It is tough to go to, but if you can, take a look at what a beautiful boy he was and let him stay alive in your heart.
I need to go kiss my babies.
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=XOemily_herreraOX
posted by barb at 11:03 PM
3 Comments:
I do not know how people endure such a loss. My prayers are with his family.
4:03 PM
Barb, I know exactly how you feel. I don't post much on that board anymore, but I do lurk and when I saw the post about little Gio I just sat here and cried before going to pick up Kristoffer and hold him tight in my arms. I can't imagine what Emily and her family are going through. I have the same fears as you do. If I don't hear Kristoffer at night I will gently shake the cradle, gently blow in his face or move his arm to make him move so I'll know he's ok. Bjørn will do the same thing. I don't know how to get over this fear. I just think all of us need to hold onto our babies (children), tell them how much we love them and appreciate each and every moment we have with them. Little Gio will always be remembered in my heart.
1:27 AM
Oh, Barb I'm so incredibly saddened to read this! I need to go hold onto little Brady. I don't know how people can manage thru such a loss! Of course, I"m also TERRIFIED of SIDS. I'm praying for Gio and his family.
4:02 PM
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