Happy Halloween!!!!

He's Not Like the Other Kids

Jacob has been going to preschool since the 2nd week of Sept. This was his first experience with a caregiver outside of family. He really like his teacher and tells me he enjoys school.....but (maybe I should say BUT) today the teacher pulled E aside to tell him she thought Jacob was "delayed". I knew his speech wasn't as enunciated as some 3 yo, but he has made such marked improvement I thought it was OK. I guess besides the speech issues he in not "clicking" in school. He won't participate during story time or singing or really play with the other kids. He has also stopped using the potty and wants to be carried everywhere and he wants me to feed him and hold him on my lap. This news just breaks my heart. I always attributed his withdrawness to being shy and not being accustomed to lots of children. At home he is a fireball of energy and when I have brought him to other childrens' parties he interacts fine. He usually needs time to warm up to the situation, but after 15 minutes or so he does great. I know they just red flagged him to get evaluated so that if he does need early intervention he won't slip through the cracks, but as a parent it still hurts. You have this beautiful "perfect" little being full of joy and carrying your heart around and then someone says he will struggle. I don't want him to struggle. I don't want this to be hard for him.
Ethan is really struggling with this as well. I think for him he relates it to his own learning difficulties (it doesn't help his family frequently says that he wasn't smart). I think he takes all of those feelings adn is projecting them onto how Jacob will end up feeling. His first reaction was to pull him out of school so he won't be a disruption. That will not happen. We will have him evaluated and after they come up with a plan we will decide if this school is right for him or if there is another one more suited to his needs. In the meantime I need to cry just a little bit for my boy.

Still alive and kicking

The boys are not being cooperative at bedtime so I have no time to update or comment on blogger. They are currently flooding my bathroom (I'm sitting across from them watching them splash-ugh). I would take him out to make him stop but this is my only "rest"time. I swear I spend the majority of my time yelling and deflecting blows from Danny. He's a "bad bad boy". He's just so darn cute too.
I have no clue how my two boys are such polar opposites. Jacob is quiet, peaceful, sensitive...and easy. Danny is wild, fearless, bold....and demanding. I worry about them when they get older. I worry Jacob will be easily pushed around and not stand up for himself and I worry Danny will try anything. If someone says he "can't jump off that bridge"...he will. I just wish each of my boys shared just a little of each others characteristics.

Ever have one of those days?

Well I feel like I keep having it over and over and over again. I am stressed. I am stressed to the point of being ill. I have a constant headache, my stomach feels like an acid vat, I have sharp pains in my abdomen and I am a mean mean person. I have been yelling at my kids on a regular basis. Sleep battles are occuring nightly and I am exhausted. I am getting 5-6 hours of sleep/night, I eat my dinner standing up at the sink while I do the dishes and instead of playing with my boys I try to distract them so I can do laundry or pick up the house or whatever. I feel like a wire pulled taut and I am afraid I will snap. I'm constantly worried about money and since I do all of the bills I can tell E we are broke, but he just doesn't get it. Every morning I wake up infuriated b/c E has left the lights on overnight, all I can think of is the energy bill. I lost it when he turned on the heat even though all of the storm windows were not in. I don't know how to get it acrossed to him that we are drowning in debt. And pissing me off more is the fact that we owna rental unit that we could turn around and sell. It obviously would end that mortgage, it would pay off my college loans, 1 credit card, our car and a small personal loan. I am fairly certain it would also give us a chunk of money to invest in our retirement. He won't consider it b/c his parents don't want us to sell and to him it would mean we failed. I understand why we keep it. Let me tell you, in 16 years we will be doing fine, but in the meantime I have to make decisions like forgoing diapers today until E's check goes in tomorrow and hoping the IL's don't notice the boy is wearing swimmies.
We make decent money, we shouldn't be in this situatiuon. I never wanted to become this person.

If he quite this job...

I'm going to have to leave him. No, not really, but at what point do you say enough is enough. I am sorry you are unhappy, but you have burned so many bridges and you have 2 kids and 2 houses with 2 mortgage payments and a wife who no longer has a secure job? At what point do you say too bad? Life sucks, but suck it up, grow up and deal. My stomach hurts. I got to go. (Oh and he hung up the phone on me b/c I didn't say what he wanted. Is it just me or is that fucking rude? I have never hung up on anyone...asshole)