Let me go home and start over.

So today was stellar...not! I plan on starting the South Beach diet tomorrow seeing as Ethan wants us to get on the baby making train again. I need to lose some serious weight., I planned the first week's menu and made my grocery list. By the way, any type of dieting with Ethan around is difficult. When I fist told him, he said he would support me and hten proceded to go to the store to get dinner. He came home with stuffed pork chops, potatoes, corn and a bucket of choc. chip cookie dough. He then apololgized. So anyway, I took the boys shopping with me today, which is not always the highlight to my day. They were pretty good, but kept climbing in and out of the car cart. I opened a package of bologna to quell Danny's screams and continues to shop. My cart was full of produce along with some seasonings, meats and other acceptable items. Along with a couple of treats for the kids. Danny had some nightmarish moments in the store, but I kept my cool and smiled at the strange (and sometimes dirty) looks people gave me. I was so proud of myself for
1. sticking to my list
2. not getting stressed over Danny's hollaring
3. knowing I was about to start a healthy journey
Well I went to the checkout and to my mortification...I couldn't pay the bill. Do you know how horrifyiong this was to me. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I apologized, took out the half eaten package of bologna and paid for it. I then grabbed the kids and left teh store as Jacob kept asking why we couldn't take our food. If that doesn't make you feel like a shitty mom, I don't know what will.
When I got home I just wanted to curl up and sob, but I am a mom. I cannot do that. I made deinner for the kids and contnues to play and prayed that Jacob won't tell anyone we couldn't afford groceries. Anyone want to switch lives for awhile?