What a Week.

So I should be completely grey. I have been on edge and just overwraught with emotions. The passing of baby Gio has left me raw and sensative. That being said, July is a rough month for me. In July of 2003 we had a house fire that forced us to move out for almost 5 months. I become a bit neurotic in July as the scent of anything burning sends me in a tizzy. I'm a little skittish in the beginning of summer too when those barbeques first get fired up, but I generally settle down. Well, Thursday night I noticed a burning smell and it wasn't BBQ. I went from the attic to the basement at least 7 times looking for smoke. I sniffed electical outlets, fans, stoves, fridges, AC units. I couldn't fine the source. I asked my tenants if tthey had burned anything and if they could check everything in their apartment (remember, my previous tenants were the ones who caught my house on fire). Well, with nothing burning I relaxed. I was getting my older son a bottle later that night when I saw a firetruck had pulled up in fron of my house. I flew outside. My house was fine BTW. I guess neighbors had smelled something also and called it in (we have had problem with an arsonist this year). After a check of the neighborhood it was determined that someone was probably illegally burning some trash. Phew, my heart can calm dopwn and get back into my chest. Fast forward 2 hours and I'm out on my porch having a smoke (I know, bad) and the firetruck pulls up in front of my house again. Lights flashing, sirens blaring...they were looking for adifferent house number than mine and did pull away. But I tell you, nothing stops my heart faster then having the firetruck pull up in front of my home. Do you think I have some issues to work out??
Now let's move on to Friday. I'm at work when the secretary hunts me down to call home. (I give her number out in case I'm away from my bench and it's an emergency). So I know it can't be good. I call home and find out that Jacob had decided to climb into the baby swing (standing in it actually). My mom told him to get down and stood up to get to him. She had to move the ottaman, which apparently was keeping the swing stable. The swing flipped up and he went flying backwards. He hit the hardwood floor so hard my om said. He immediately got a golf ball size lump on the back of his head. He ended up being OK, but my mom was in such a panic. So now I need to buy some hair color I think.

I'm angry and sad.

I'm giving everyone the oppurtunity to not read any further. A mommy from my April 05 board lost her baby boy to SIDS.
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I'm am so devistated. Giovanni Emil was our first April baby born that made it! He was such a fighter and absolutely beautiful. He was the joy of his parents hearts and I can't imagine the immense sorrow that must be crushing down on their hearts. I am angry at God. I hate saying that. My faith is suppose to get me through tough times. But how could he have blessed her with such a sweet baby and made his life so tough. He was born in January and struggled for life. And he did it! He made it...Damnit!! Then why? A day after he turned 6 months did he have to be taken away? He was a healthy baby boy. He was smiling laughing, rolling over!! What happened to this family is my worst nightmare. When Jacob was little (and honestly I still do this) I would make Ethan go in his room first if he didn't wake up on his own. I was (and still am) terrfied of what I would find. I call every morning to make sure the kids are awake after I go to work. I can't relax until I know they are up. I check on Danny relentlessly through the night nad poke him if I can't tell that he's breathing. Danny spent the first month of his life sleeping on my chest (I did this with Jacob too). After a month I finally felt secure enough to put him to sleep in his cradle, but I kept that in the living room so he would be near me and I could check on him and poke him. Now that he is 4 months I finally moved the cradle into our bedroom so that I could put him down back there at night and come back to bed later on. How do you get beyond this fear? How do you hand it over to God to trust that he will keep your baby safe? If anyone knows, please let me in on it.
I've posted Emily's site of Gio below. It is tough to go to, but if you can, take a look at what a beautiful boy he was and let him stay alive in your heart.
I need to go kiss my babies.
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=XOemily_herreraOX

2 special ladies could use some prayers.

There are 2 very special women on my May '03 IV board who could really use some prayers.
First, there is J. She has been tryiing to concieve for over a year without success. That is until recently. She is pregnant. Unfortunately at her last u/s they said the baby had stopped growing and she needed to schedule a d&c. Of course, she is devistated. The chief at the hospital called her and told her he wanted to wait on the d&c because her uterus is tipped and they have never been able to get a good view of the baby at her u/s's, so he wanted to get a panel of bloods and a repeat u/s before it is confirmed. Please pray that her baby is still hanging on and just hiding out. She knows how unlikely the possiblity of this is, but hope is something we all have clung to desparately. She gets her repeat done on Wed.
The other woman has a 2 year old son. She conceived again, no problem. During her pregnancy she was having difficulty breathing. They chalked it up to the pregnancy. As she continued her breathing became much worse and she went to the ER where they discovered she was in congestive heart failure. They sectioned her right away delivering her second son 2 months early. He has been a trooper and is thriving wihtout any problems. She went on meds to strengthen her heart, but hey are not working. She was just placed on the heart transplant list. I am in tears thinking about how her life has been flipped upside down. She has been so strong, but she could use all the prayers we have to give.

^i^

Happy Birthday Baby

You Know You're From Upstate New York When...

This was also taken from blogthings.com

You Know You're From Upstate New York When...

You refer to downtown Albany as "The City." "Vacation" means going to Lake Ontario or Niagra for the weekend. There is a mini-mall every 1/4 mile, if not, you are in Vermont. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Hannaford at any given time. You know to avoid tractor trailers (or cars for that matter!) on the Northway with Canadian plates. You don't consider what Domino's or Pizza Hut sell as pizza. You know that "First Night" isn't a Sean Connery movie. There is no such thing as waiting for the left turn arrow at an intersection. Your career ambition is to work for NY State. Even with the slightest threat of snow, you know that Ichobob Crane schools are closed. You think everyone from down-state has an accent. Down-State starts just south of the Thruway. You're in line to get the first custard cone when summer comes. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Upstate NY.

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You Know You're From a Small Town When..

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I copied this from: http://www.blogthings.com/Small-Town.html The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's combine. The local phone book has only one yellow page. Third Street is on the edge of town. You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair. (Yup, well actually they would drop it off when their shift was over) You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway. No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished. You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one. (Yup) Everyone knows all the news before it's published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right. (Yup) The city limits signs are both on the same post! The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell. (No jail cell at all) The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch. (No McDonalds either) The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions. Second Street is in the next town over. There's no place to go that you shouldn't. A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes. The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog. The New Year's baby was born in October. Running from the cops consists of hiding in the cornfield. (Yup) You have to name six surrounding towns to explain to people where you're from. (Yup) You have to drive five miles out in the country to smoke a cigarette. Headline news is who grew the biggest vegetable this year. There is no point in high-school reunions because everyone knows what everyone else is doing anyway. Driving cars up and down the main drag is a universal high school experience. (Yup) You can name everyone you graduated with. (Yup) You know what 4-H is. (Yup) You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road. (Yup) You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour. (Yup) You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't - same goes with the game warden. (Yup) You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting. School gets canceled for state sporting events. (Yup, and the first day of hunting season) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were and if you were old enough, they would still tell your folks. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive back roads to smoke them. You were ever in the Homecoming parade. (Yup and as a cheerleader) You have ever gone home for Homecoming. (Yup) It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town. (Yup) You had senior skip day. (Yup) The whole school went to the same party after graduation. You don't give directions by street names or references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks to the Anderson's turn left and it's four houses left of the football field). (Yup) The golf course had only 9 holes (No golf course either) You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason. You think kids that ride skateboards are weird. The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty" but is actually just like your town. (Yup, the girls were all easy!!) Getting paid minimum wage is considered a great job. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as "rich" people. The people in the city dress funny, then you pick up on the trend a few years later. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday. Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town. Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger. (Yup and man those farm boys were hot!!!) Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference (We had a stoplight once, but a truck knocked it down and they never bothered to get a new one. It lasted less than a year) The city council meets at the coffee shop. Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday. You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis. Weekend excitement involves a trip to the grocery store. Even the ugly people enter beauty contests. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride. (Yup) Your teachers call you by your older siblings names. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents. You can charge at all the local stores. The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away. (Well only 15) So is the closest mall. (Yup, 45 minutes to either of the malls) It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower. Everyone who played sports had to play on every type of team, or there wouldn't be enough people to have a team. Being able to hit a road sign with a beer bottle while driving down the highway is considered a necessary skill. (Yup. You could get by this if you could shoot a can off a fence with a 22.) A cool vehicle had big tires or a bad-ass stereo. You can remember when your town finally got cable. Driving to the party on a four wheeler is quite normal. (Yup) You thought the 30-year-old guy that still was at all the parties was cool. (Yup) The town population increases by one-third when the universities go on break. (Yup) The best burgers in town are at the rink. You know exactly where to go when the party is at "the lake". You lost your virginity at a bush party. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from a small town.

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Danny's 4 month update

Can you believe he is 4 months already? (well almost).
He went to the ped on Friday and he is weighing in at 16lb 14.5oz and 25 3/4 inches long. I now have to move him out of the infant carrier and into a "big" car seat. We got the go ahead to start some cereal and other solids, but I don't think he is ready yet. He still does the tounge thrust still. I have started to add a little juice to each of his formula bottles. Hopefully this will help smooth out his bowel issues. Otherwise he is right on track. I htink he is a beautiful happy baby. Oh, he has a 3rd nipple!! We didn't notice it before, but it's inverted so it just looks like a little indentation. I guess he'll win some bar bets!!
Jacob has really taken on the role of big brother like a trooper. He helps get the bink or bottle when Danny cries or grabs my boob and says "bons". He also has his own baby, it's Grover, and Jacob buckles him in the car seat, the swing and puts him in the cradle and sticks a paci in grovers mouth. It is just too cute. He is my special little helper.
On pet news, my poor Whiskey kitty is sick. Apparently she got into a cat fight and was bit on the head. I feel like such a bad furbaby mom. Earlier in the week I saw gook on her head and wiped it off. It was kind of sticky and I just thought she had gotten into something. She tends to troll other peoples basements and such. Well about 20 minutes later she came back and there was a huge glob of it on her. I was afrqaid it may have been a chemical so I took her tot eh sink and washed off her head. I never saw a wound and it seemed to be cleaned off. Well Sat, E saw hew and saw the glob of stuff only when he went to wipe it off it oozed out of her head. WE ended up at the Emergency clinic to get her on antibiotics. I can't believ how bad it looked. She lost the fur in that area and now you can clearly see the puncture wounds. So it's pills for the next 10 days and hot compresses to her head. Never a dull moment around these parts.

Baby I'm amazed

Daniel is growing up way too fast. As fast as I thought the baby days passed with Jacob, it does not compare to how fast tehy are going with Daniel. He is rolling everywhere. I can't keep that boy still. He loves playing with his feet and is such a smiley boy. Although when he gets upset with me he sticks his lower lip out so far I tell him a little bird might land on it. I have never seen a baby so young pout so well. And it is adorable and all I want to do is hug and kiss him. I think we are just about done nursing. He only nurses right before he goes to bed and when he wakes at 5am. I have continued to try to pump at work, but I am down to only getting 4 oz a day because I only have time to pump once a day.
I am still awaiting my first postpartum AF which I think is just around the corner and I think she is going to be a hag!! I took an HPT the other day just because I was having some symptoms. We have been using protection and I knew there was no way I could be pregnant and quite frankly I'm not ready to be pregnant again. I'm not ready physically, emotionally or financially, but it was still disappointing to see that white space. That surprised me because I was relieved, but there was that tinge of saddness. It must just remind me of all of those white test days.
Anyway, I am absolutely thrilled that so many of my sistas are finding happiness in the birth of their children, in anticipation of a new pregnancy (although I know how nerve racking that can be) and in anticipation of adopting their child. My heart still goes out to the few who are still waiting and I will continue to keep them in my prayers.

My Little Firecracker

This pic was taken by JCPenney.

He fell off the couch

Daniel is OK and so am I, but I felt like such a terrible mommy. It happened a few nights ago. Let me start by saying how incredibly sleep deprived I am (as many of you are, I know). My sleep pattern consists of satying up until DH gets home (around 11:30pm). Then I stay up to spend time with him and usually if I go to bed it's around 12:30 unless I decide to stay up for Danny's 1:00 feeding (which he just gave up 2 days ao). I then nurse him again around 4:00 and then get up at 6:00 to get to work by 7:00/7:30. Well stupidly I decided to throw the gym into the mix and was getting up at 5:00am to get to the gym by 6:00 and so on. So the other night he woke to feed around 12:30/1:00 and I layed down on the couch like I always do. But this time I fell asleep with him on the couch. Then at some point in the wee hours of the morning I heard a THUMP!! My first reaction was that Jacob fell out of bed (he did this the other week), so I sat up and was about to stand when I saw my poor baby laying face down on the hardwood floor nest to the couch. As soon as I picked him up he started to scream. I felt so awful. I nursed him and he calmed down and fell back to sleep and I then placed him in his cradle. So here's the extra awful part... my cat tends to crawl on me which drives me nuts when I'm sleeping and I've tossed her more than once in my sleep. I was so exhausted I had no clue Danny was still sleeping with me and I think I went to turn and felt the weight of him on me and thought it was the cat. I'm pretty sure I pushed him off the couch. That just breaks my heart. It would be one thing if he fell, but the fact that I think I pushed him just has me racking my brain with guilt. Thank god he is OK. I know babies are "made of rubber" but it doesn't mean I want to see him bounce.