Head and Heart
So these two things do battle all of the time. I am a very logical person by nature and I hate when my heart rules. I struggle now as I find myself so angry. I am angry at God. I am angry at John. I am angry with myself. I lost the baby. I went in for my u/s and it was gone. My body let me down. My head tells me there must have been something wrong with the baby. This is natures way of housekeeping. It just wasn't viable. But my heart screams at me that it is not fair. My family has been through so much pain, why add this on top. Why do I have to keep going through so much pain. I just want a break from the hurt. Again my head pipes up and tells me to suck it up. I am strong. I will continue to be strong for my family. Life goes on. I am just so tired.
posted by barb at 11:49 PM
6 Comments:
I am angry with you, but please do not be angry at yourself (easier said than done, I realize) -- it is completely unfair and I do not understand any of it, but I do know that NONE of it is YOUR fault. Sometimes we are just dealt a load of shit, and I will never understand why that is. I am so incredibly beyond sorry for all that you and your family are dealing with right now. Too much loss, too much sadness, too much pain. I can only hope for some sort of light and joy to shine through for you soon. Sending you much love, knowing that you are so strong, and you will get through this, heart and head combined.
1:11 PM
Oh my heart is broken for you.
What Crista said was perfect, can't add much more than that.
You'll be in my thoughts.
7:03 PM
I am so upset for you right now. Life has dealt you so much crap lately, there is nothing I can say to ease all your pain. Please know that you are in my thoughts.....and Kether is right, Crista really said it all. Much love, Cara A
12:01 AM
Oh, Barb. There are no words.... please don't beat yourself up over this. All of this shit is out of your control. I totally understand. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. Hang in there sweetie. (((hugs)))
2:00 PM
Barb I am so sorry. Life just does not make sense. It is ok not to be strong so please allow yourself time to grieve what you have lost. Sometimes life just plain overwhelms you and you have to take a break. The holidays compound the pain. Go easy on yourself. (((hugs)))
12:04 AM
Geezus, I tried to comment on your last entry, but this f***ing blogger hates me. But --- I wanted to let you know how very sorry I am for you. You so deserve to have a happy healthy baby. I wish there was something I could do to grant you that. HUGS dear friend!
Zeeks
8:28 PM
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